What’s a “DEAL BREAKER?”

Dating without Drama

By Paige Parker, Dating Without Drama

A non-negotiable.

A “thanks, but no-thanks.”

A deeply ingrained mindset, quality, attitude, belief or issue a man has that simply does not fit with your life.

I’m NOT talking about something like, “he makes a funny noise when he chews,” which can easily be addressed and changed, but a characteristic that, once revealed, makes you realize that there is NO WAY you can have a future with this guy.

Now every woman (and man) must have their own PERSONAL set of DEAL BREAKERS, but to give you a head start, here are some that I’ve found to be pretty universal (and these can work for the man OR the woman):

♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ DATING DEAL BREAKERS ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦

• He has a criminal record
• He’s a major mama’s boy
• He has a history of – or has shown a tendency toward -ANY kind of abuse (mental, emotional, physical)
• He’s got anger issues (with or without the abuse)
• He shows a complete lack of manners
• He’s terminally immature
• He’s emotionally unavailable
• You don’t feel an ounce of chemistry with him
• You’re hopelessly incompatible with one another (you want kids someday, he never does; you want to marry a Jew, he’s Catholic, etc…)
• He cheats on you
• He’s married

Do yourself a favor and come up with your own list of DEAL BREAKERS today, so they’re always in the back of your mind. It will allow you to weed out the undesirables in the dating pool and leave you with only the most qualified candidates!

This will help you truly become a SELECTIVE DATER.

Add to the list…what do YOU consider to be a DEAL BREAKER?  Leave us a comment.

XOXO

The Evolution Of Kissing

The Kiss

by Kristen Meinzer

If you’re like us, you’ve wondered from time to time how this or that guy’s tongue ended up in your mouth. And no, we’re not talking about how a certain Air Supply song and a specific number of drinks led you to do something that you might feel compelled to deny the next day. Rather, we’ve wondered how the whole practice of kissing came about in the first place.

Fortunately for us, the geniuses over at Discovery have made a very short video entitled the “Skinny on Smooching,” which attempts to lay out the history of kissing, and how it’s evolved.

In the video, Vaughn Bryant, professor of anthropology at Texas A&M University, explains that kissing dates back 1000 or 2000 BC, and that the earliest written records of kissing come to us courtesy of northern India. Of course, back then, they didn’t actually call it kissing, and it didn’t look exactly like it does now. Rather, as described in those old northern Indian documents, it was something more akin to sniffing, and involved running one’s nose over another person’s face, from cheek to nose to cheek.//

Fast forward a thousand years or so, to roughly the year BC, and Dr. Bryant says we see records of full-on erotic kissing as we know it today, courtesy of the Kama Sutra (which mentions kissing over 200 times) and some other brilliant texts whose names he doesn’t mention.

Seeing a good thing and liking it, Alexander the Great, took kissing from India (which he was trying to conquer) back to the west, and before you know it, the Greeks were doing it. The Macedonians were doing it. By the time the Romans came around, kissing was all the rage and they (the Romans) took the practice even further west, until the Celts and others who’d never had a history of kissing, started doing it too (with some instruction).

Columbus then brought kissing to the Americas (quite possibly one of the only things the Native Americans were happy he brought over), and a few centuries later, here we are. Rhett is smooching Scarlet. Barack is laying one on Michelle. Tom is sucking the hell out of Katie’s face. And, against our better judgement, we’re playing tonsil hockey with some guy who’s name we don’t know in a pink polo shirt and brown jeans…and all because of some very smart northern Indians who enjoyed sniffing each other’s cheeks and noses roughly 4000 years before we were born. And maybe also because of Air Supply.

Originally posted at YourTango.com.

Dating 101–The Dreaded Premature “L Word”

John LaRosa

by John LaRosa

In a knee-jerk response to what I considered a totally premature dropping of “The L Word”, I once told a woman I’d been dating for only a couple of months that we learn more about each other when there is confrontation than when there is contentment. I proceeded to inform her that, until we had an argument, she was more likely to hear me return her expressed sentiments with words such as “like”, “care for” or “you’re the best” rather than “love”.

I further explained that I need to know how someone handles adversity before I can “let go” emotionally. It’s easy to be pleasant when things are going smoothly, but how one reacts to and rebounds from conflict is often quite revealing.  To this day, I truly believe these things, but here’s a tip to guys: while this line of thought may sound logical, trust me, NEVER verbalize it if you prefer the bedroom to the couch!)

Anyway, back to the story. After three hours of serious damage control and two bottles of very good wine, we had successfully completed our first argument. I guess you can put this into the “self-fulfilling prophecy” category. We really had nothing to argue about except for how dumb it was for me to say what I said when I said it. Despite my ill-timed downer of a comment, we remained a couple and the issue was put to rest, at least for a while. (Women never forget.)

So what can we learn from this experience?

Men and women think differently.

Logic vs. Emotion. Be very careful with “sensible” comments. What you consider reasonable might not work for her. We process differently. Know your audience. In a relationship, resist the temptation to be Star Trek’s “Mr. Spock”. (Remember, Spock and all other “logical” Vulcans were genetically programmed for ritualistic mating at seven year intervals…just a guess, but that probably doesn’t work for you!)

Ill-timed logic is the worst kind.

Wait for it, wait for it, wait for it. Some would argue that being reasonable is always a good thing, but when dating a woman, you really have to pick your spots.  When she drops “The L Word”, don’t argue, clarify or in any way, shape or form attempt to respond intellectually. Worse still, please refrain from post-coital pontificating, especially if she was really satisfied. (And if she wasn’t, don’t distract her with any talk at all. At this point, she simply doesn’t care about the relationship, the football score, pending health care legislation, or what’s in the fridge–get back to business as soon as possible!)

“If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.”

When she’s happy, be happy for and with her. SHUT UP! A nice big hug will go farther than almost anything that will ever come out of your mouth in terms of improving your relationship. Volunteering your opinions on how to “make thing better” implies that there is something wrong. The inevitable result:  she will over-analyze things and turn completely toxic for the next six months.

The Premature “L Word”

If  you really like the woman who reveals her feelings a little too soon for your emotional comfort level, just don’t complicate matters as I did by being “Mr. Buzzkill”. Talk about it when the time is right. Let things progress and see what happens. On the other hand, if a woman tells you she loves you right away or say, before she knows your last name, this article is moot. Run, my friend, run like the wind! You may be good, but you’re not that good. She’s in love with being in love, not with you!

All Comedy Aside–The Key “Take Aways”

I encourage men and women to take the time to get to know each other extremely well before saying the words “I love you”. With true love, you’re accepting the person for who they are, faults and all. Many faults, quirks and other potentially “deal-breaking” qualities may not surface until there is some type of adversity or conflict. I stand by my position of “no love talk” until there is an argument.

Gentlemen, we are not wired the same, so try to respect, validate and tread lightly on genuine emotion. Ladies, even if you feel it’s the real thing, most men are freaked out by “The L Word”, so keep that in mind before you use it. “Love” is a wonderful and powerful word. When we say it, we should not only feel, believe and mean it, but we must also fully understand its implications for our relationships.

Have a “L Word” story to share?  Leave us a comment.

XOXO

10 Things To Know About Kissing

Mz Fluttress wants you to know....

Ten kissing facts, traditions and out-there laws…

♥Interesting Information Found by Mz. Fluttress♥

Note to readers:  FlutterBlog exists to bring you articles from a variety of authors and points of views.  We all love to kiss…or at least we should love to kiss as it is the key to a healthy and loving relationship. This article was too great to pass up…so enjoy!

Article by Kayda Norman

Sensual Kissing

Forget sex. Kissing can be one of the most intimate, sensual, and just plain fun things you can do with another person. And as anyone who is sex-educated knows: the better the foreplay, the better the sex. Read on to discover ten unusual kissing facts, and be grateful that locking lips no longer leads you to the guillotine.

1. According to anthropologists, 90 percent of people kiss. But that doesn’t mean that kissing is the same for everyone. Kissing customs vary across the world.  For instance, certain African tribes literally kiss the ground of their leaders, while in many parts of Europe, it is not unusual for men to kiss each other. Kissing people on both cheeks as a form of greeting is another popular custom in many parts of the world, and both Eskimos and Egyptians “kiss” by rubbing noses, hence an “Eskimo kiss.”
2. PDA (Public Displays of Affection) was strictly forbidden in old-school Italy. In 16th century Naples, the punishment for kissing was the death penalty. We bet there were a lot of unhappy women. And a lot of hangings.
3. Be careful where you kiss. Though the punishment’s not quite as harsh as our Italian predecessors, kissing is still illegal in some parts of the United States.Those in Cedar Rapids, Iowa are not allowed to kiss strangers and women in Hartford, Conn. are not legally allowed to lock lips with their husbands on Sundays. And mustached Indiana men can forget about ever becoming “players.” According to Indiana law, it is illegal for men who have a mustache to “habitually kiss human beings.”
4. Let’s talk science. Kissing generally uses one muscle, called the orbicularis oris, that is responsible for puckering your lips when you kiss. The science of kissing itself is called philematology.
5. Making out can be healthy for you. Kissing for one minute burns 26 calories. So enjoy that chocolate cake, and make up for it later with an extended make-out sesh with your partner.Read: How To Kiss Well
6. It is considered good luck to kiss the Blarney Stone, but you may die trying. Kissing the Blarney Stone located in Cork, Ireland, is no easy feat. One poor pilgrim even fell to his death trying to accomplish the task. To kiss the stone, you have to sit with your back facing the stone while someone holds your feet. Then you lean backwards, hold on to the handrails placed specifically there for this purpose, and lower yourself until you can reach the stone and kiss it. Sounds simple enough, right?
7. The world record for longest kiss goes to Americans Rich Langley and Louisa Almedovar for a session lasted 30 hours and 59 minutes. No word on if they got food and bathroom breaks.
8. On average, two-thirds of people tip their heads to the right when they pucker up. Some believe this tendency starts in the womb before you are even born. Or maybe you are just getting over the trauma that was your first kiss (you know, when you collided your nose into his and ended up kissing his ear instead of his mouth).
9. You may have signed XOXO on your high school crush’s Valentine’s Day card, but did you know what it meant? As many may know, the X in XOXO means kisses and the O has come to mean hugs. This comes from the Middle Ages, when people would often sign their names with an X, as much of the population was illiterate. Afterwards, they would kiss the document.
10. Kissing can increase your life expectancy. Sure, sucking face has been blamed for the rise of Mononucleosis, the spread of cold sores, and the general transmission of other unsavory diseases. But a study has shown that men live up to five years longer if they kiss their wife before going to work. So gentlemen, pucker up—for health’s sake.

Think you’re a kissing expert? Tell us your techniques in the comments below.

XOXO

11 Simple Tips for Relationship Bliss

Finding Tips All Around the Internet

Originally posted at Glamour .com on Thursday, 08/27/2009

One of the most common questions we hear is, “How do we make our relationship work?” The answers are complicated, varied, and, after a while, can start to sound like muddled platitudes. But these commonplace sayings get repeated because they work. With this in mind, Glamour Magazine pulled together 11 cliches that, in fact, reveal simple, tried-and-true advice for having a healthy, happy relationship. Read on and let us know what you think:

1. Mind your manners. “Please,” “thank you” and “you’re welcome” can go a long way in helping your partner remember that you respect and love him/her and don’t take him/her for granted.
2. Variety is the spice of life. Studies have shown that dullness can lead to dissatisfaction with a relationship. Trying something new can be as simple as visiting an unfamiliar restaurant or as grand as a backpacking trip through Sri Lanka. Discoveries you make together will keep you feeling close.
3. The couple that plays together, stays together. Find a sport or hobby that you both love (no, watching TV does not count) and make that a priority in your relationship. Camping, biking, building model trains…whatever it is, find something you enjoy doing together.
4. Fight right. In order to have productive arguments, keep these rules in mind: Don’t call your spouse names. When things get really tough, take a break from the argument. Let the other person finish his/her sentences. Don’t initiate a discussion when you’re angry.
5. I’ll scratch your back if you scratch mine. No one likes demands, but everyone can appreciate a compromise. If you want your lover to do something and you’re not sure (s)he’ll be agreeable, the quickest way to avoid a confrontation is to sweeten the deal. For example: “Sure, I’ll watch Monday Night Football if you take me to see the next movie of my choice.”
6. Two heads are better than one. Being in a relationship basically means you’ve made a merger; you’ve not only joined assets but inherited the other’s problems as well. Rather than looking at your partner’s problems as merely their own, tackle them together. For example, if (s)he’s gaining weight, rather than pushing your partner to diet on their own, enroll in an exercise program together.
7. Distance makes the heart grow fonder. Maintain your own friendships and occasionally have a night out without your significant other. Doing things without your s.o. not only makes you miss him or her, it also keeps you sane.
8. Sound it out. It other words: communicate! Talking out the tough subjects—money, religion, fidelity, raising kids—will not be the most fun you’ve had, but it’ll be valuable.
9. Laughter is the best medicine. Learn to laugh at yourself and at silly mistakes. If he throws your cashmere sweater in the dryer, laughing it off is, in the long run, better than getting angry. It’s just a sweater–not the end of the world.
10. Keep your eyes on the prize. Yes, your partner forgot your coworker’s name for the tenth time, but it probably doesn’t mean they don’t care about you. If you keep your perspective fixed on the goal—to be in a happy, functioning partnership—you’re less likely to get tangled up in every minor annoyance. Remember, you both want the same thing.
11. Quitters never win. Find a ritual and keep it alive, no matter what. Whether it’s always kissing each other good night, renewing wedding vows every year, sleeping in as late as you want once a month or committing to having sex once a week, pick something that makes you both feel good and stick to it, even when you’re tempted to skip.

What keeps your relationship strong? Let us know in the comments.

The Bitch Is Back…The Ex Returns To The Scene

Paige, Dating w/o Drama

BY PAIGE PARKER, FOUNDER, DATING WITHOUT DRAMA
edited for space and content by Mz. Fluttress

We all have names for her.  Even the World has names for her:

• Cruella De Vil
• The Wicked Witch of the West.
• The Bunny Boiler (e.g. That crazy lady who boiled the bunny rabbit in “Fatal Attraction.”)

Of all the female villains out there, there is none who strikes fear in the hearts of all women quite like HER.

She is deceptive…

She is conniving…

She will let NOTHING stop her from getting what she wants.

She is…

the EX GIRLFRIEND!

Whether she’s responsible for breaking your boyfriend’s heart in the past, saddling him with enough emotional baggage to fill your walk-in closet…Or she’s set an IMPOSSIBLE standard for you to live up to, emblazoned in your guy’s memory as “The Perfect Woman“…Or – worse – SHE WANTS YOUR MAN BACK…The Ex-Girlfriend, when not properly exorcised from your boyfriend’s life, can cause ALL kinds of problems. So what can you DO to protect your relationship from the Ex-Girlfriend?

The answer is simple: Nothing. Well, nothing more than to be the best GIRLFRIEND you can be.

The truth is: begging, pleading, yelling, gossiping, bad-mouthing, crying, nagging and – every man’s favorite – issuing ultimatums – will do nothing but push your man away from you…Possibly into the arms of THE EX.

Taking the high road can work to everyone’s advantage. (Except the Ex’s, that is, since she’ll be left in the dust, with nothing but her own DRAMA to curl up in bed with at night!)

Try this scenario: You’ve been seeing a guy for about 3 months and now he informs you that his ex girlfriend is coming back from overseas and that he doesn’t know how he feels about her and he doesn’t know how he feels about you.

He has just broken all contact with you! Do you wait for him to decide what he wants or walk away?

You basically have three choices:

1. You can freak out, beg him to stay with you and not see the ex.
2. You can tell him, “Hey, if you don’t know how you feel about me by now, well, then, forget it. Go back to your ex for all I care. I’m done.”
3. Give Him the space he needs to figure things out.

This writer suggests you opt for #3, but here’s the important point…DO NOT SIT AROUND WAITING FOR HIM TO MAKE UP HIS MIND. Simply start dating other people. Mind you, only do this if you are  really into the guy and not really “into” any of the other guys you choose to go out with, but the important thing was that you put forth the effort to keep your options open.

Rather than sitting by the phone, waiting for him to call and say he’s made up his mind, getting out of the house, having fun, and meeting new people is key. While HE was deciding how he feels about YOU, take that time to decide how YOU really felt about HIM!

It will feel empowering to be mature enough to support your boyfriend’s time-out to sort through his feelings. Especially because you refused to wait in the wings, all pathetic-like, just hoping he’d choose you. In fact, he was running the risk of losing you, so he’d better get his act together FAST!

Hopefully, all it will take is one meeting over coffee with The Ex for the boyfriend to realize that this woman doesn’t have a hold over him anymore.  After just minutes with her, he may figure out that the feelings he has for YOU are far more powerful than what he’d felt for The Ex. At that point, he could look her straight in the eye and honestly tell her, with no second-guessing,”I’m sorry, but I’ve moved on and found someone else.”

If you really care about this man and are not ready to give up on him just yet, give him whatever time and space he needs to figure out what he wants. BUT, in the meantime, be sure to take that time and space to figure out what YOU need. If things are meant to work out, they will. And if not, well, you didn’t waste any of your precious time waiting for him.

And who knows… you may end up meeting the person who you REALLY were meant to be with instead. Good luck!

XOXO

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3517/3926530255_6107656dac_o.png

Paige, Founder, Dating w/o Drama

Mars Gets Naughty and Naughtier

Love me some "Fling"

I found this interesting blurb while surfing online one afternoon. Thought it was just too funny not to share with you!

This was originally posted on CNBC on Tuesday, 19 May 2009…

The FLING Candy Bar

Companies spend huge amounts of time and money naming new products to elicit certain emotions.  Drug names are my favorite. Viagra makes me think Vigor+Aggressive.

So Mars, the privately held candy company, thought “Fling” would be a good name for a candy bar aimed at diet-conscious women. The bar “tastes indulgent” but has less than 85 calories. “Naughty…but not that Naughty” is the tagline.

Women wanting to find out more would probably go online and type in Fling.com right?

That would be a mistake.

As AdAge discovered, Fling.com sends you to a porn site,“The Hottest Place to Hook Up”. Instead, Mars had to settle for FlingChocolate.com.

“The internet is not for practice, guys,” writes AdAge’s B.L. Ochman, who points out this isn’t the first time a URL has been SOL. Back when Dell launched its One2One blog, it failed to realize that the domain name had already been taken…by a porn site.

Geez, are there any domain names NOT yet taken by porn sites? (That may just add a little too much flutter into my life!!)

© 2009 CNBC, Inc. All Rights Reserved

Heat Up Date Night with Some Yummy Foods

I know some Romantic Foods!

♥ by MZ.FLUTTRESS ♥

Have you ever noticed that some foods work better in a romantic situation than others?  We’ve all heard of those “magic foods” called aphrodisiacs that make us extra amorous.  But do some foods work better on dates than others?  You bet!   Dive into these delectable goodies to amp up the amorous mood when out breakfasting with a new beau, dining with the wife, or picnicking with a potential mate!  Use these foods to keep the flutter alive in your relationship!

• Strawberries They look like little red hearts and the taste is to die for. Red, ripe, plump, juicy, and bite-sized, these natural sweets remind us of the natural sweetness of life and love.
• Shrimp are easy to eat, don’t overfill you, and finger foods rate high on the romance scale because the act of feeding yourself elegant foods with your hands is naturally seductive.
• Fondue Cheese or chocolate fondue, shared with someone special, makes for an intimate meal.  Avoid meat fondue since it gets greasy.
• Milkshakes These frothy concoctions are wonderfully childish but they never go out of style. Sipping one through a straw, slowly, as you stare up into your partner’s eyes will make for a memorable meal, or at least for a few flirtatious giggles.
• Sushi Eating sushi shows you’re open-minded and that’s always a turn on. Shared plates of small sushi (steer clear of those over-sized gargantuan rolls that fill your mouth to capacity) and a carafe of sake set the stage for an adventurous, sensual evening. Just don’t over indulge on the sake!
• Hot Chocolate Foamy and fabulous, a steaming mug of hot chocolate is just the thing to warm you — and your significant other — up on a cool, crisp day. The nostalgia-factor puts everyone in a cheerful, cuddly mood. Be sure to get it with whipped cream for bonus points!
• Ice Cream Smooth, creamy, and sweet, this treat is so sexy because it’s so delightful to so many of your senses — taste, texture, look. It makes sense that it would lead your interest to other things… So, share a spoon and eat slowly. Mmmm…
• French Fries I know what you’re thinking — grease, salt, ketchup? Sounds gooey, but French fries are also indulgent, comforting, and they let your date know that you’re willing to live a little. Sharing a plate of fries is actually a fun, intimate act.
• Bite-Sized Anything Nothing can be sexier or more of a turn on than feeding each other small bite-sized pieces.  As you look into each other’s eyes, feed each other slowly and deliberately. Just see how long you last before moving on to other things!
• Grapes …the fruit of the gods. Pop these neat, tiny treats into your mouth and all your lover’s attention will be on your luscious lips.

Do you have any other suggestions for yummy date night foods?  Leave a comment with your suggestions and maybe even add a story about how these foods add flutter to your date.

XOXO

© 2009 FlutterDate.com

First Date Deal-Breakers

Fluttress Gives Advice, too!

By Mz. Fluttress

Whether you’re fifteen or fifty, there’s nothing quite like a first date. The flutter.  The excitement. The jitters. The potential for romance… Yet, the potential for some big mistakes. If you’re hoping that first date might lead to a second date, here are a few things Mz. Fluttress found from various references that she thinks you should avoid or definitely practice…

• Mamma Taught You Manners…So use them!  Men, open the door for your date. Ladies, compliment the man.  Use words like “please” and “thank you”.  It all goes back to upbringing.  Common courtesy and good manners will take you far.
• Fakin’ It… Why invite a guy to a ball game if you hate it? Or ask a girl to a Bergman festival, when you love bad brutes and big guns? It’s great to try new things, but it’s most important to be yourself. Faking it can backfire by making you seem false, flighty, or even desperate — and no one wants to date that.
• My Compliments To…Me!…Watch out for being overly confident and complimenting YOURSELF to your date.  For example, a recent date said to me (over and over again), “I bet you’ve never been out with a man as good looking as me and who dresses as well as me!” Yet, truth be told, he was no prize and his wardrobe selections were stuck in the Don Johnson Miami Vice Era circa 1980′s!  Goodness, nothing said “Turn-off” quite as fast!
• Boozin’ It Up…Watch your alcohol intake. Don’t have 4 glasses of wine before the main course arrives.  Don’t over-indulge. No one – first date or 10th date – wants to hold your hair while you’re praying to the porcelain God.
• Your Junk-Ridden Chariot Awaits… Unless she’s a diva extraordinaire, your date won’t expect a limo or sports car to pick her up. But she also may not dig your car’s “lived-in” interior, filled with old soda cans, banana peels, sweaty gym clothes, and matted newspapers. Clean out your car, make it presentable, and get gas — otherwise your date may end up running on empty.
• Some Like It Loud… Screamin’, smashin’ rock concerts have their own charm, but not for a first date. You’ll spend the evening nodding nervously at one another and trying to keep good rhythm, while the deafening music rages on. The same goes for loud bars or restaurants — who wants to shout all night long while you’re trying to get to know each other?
• Primpin’ Like the Prom… Getting dolled up in a stiff suit-and-tie or frilly dress isn’t the way to go on a first date. It’s likely to make your date feel like they’re seventeen again and headed to the gymnasium for some pink punch and slow-dancing. There are plenty of ways to look nice without looking overdone. Guys, opt for a crisp pair of khakis or cords and a button-down shirt. Gals, slip on some wide-leg slacks and a feminine blouse… or a casual skirt and sweater. No corsage required!
• Friends n’ Family… There is much to be said for the power of pairs. In the beginning, it’s best to keep it to the two of you. Bringing over-zealous friends and over-protective relatives into the mix is a lot to hit a person with on the first date. Start slow and get to know one another first.
• Five-Star Fancy or Carelessly Casual… Avoid either. Fancy first dates can be a huge mistake. Pricey restaurants often feel fussy and put undue pressure on your wallet and your evening. If your date does treat you to dinner at a pricier place, don’t order the most expensive thing on the menu — that lobster with truffle champagne sauce is definitely a deal-breaker! If you end up going low-key, you should still steer clear of cheap chain restaurants and other overly casual joints. Be thoughtful! Try a fun picnic in the park or even an evening of bowling? Good, cheap fun is oh so romantic!
• Bed-Lam… If you both like each other, there will be plenty of time for canoodling, caressing, and luxurious mornings lounging in bed. Don’t rush it. Let the first date be informal and comfortable, by setting aside the stress of, you know… (S-E-X).
• Getting Snippy… A first date isn’t the time to give your locks a major snip, change your hair color, or do anything else drastic (like try out a pair of ultra high heels you can’t walk in). You want to feel your most relaxed and comfortable, so save the experimentation for another time.
• Now, Back to Me… Info-swapping is one of the centerpieces of your date. What music you like, how much you hate eggplant, whether you’re a cat or dog person, and so on. But if you spend the whole time blabbing about yourself without giving your date equal talking time, you’re nothing but a buzzkill.
• Smells Like Desperation… People can smell a desperate singleton a mile away, so avoid punctuating dinner with not-so-subtle comments like, “My mother would love you!” Or ending the evening with, “So, do you want to go out again? Maybe on Wednesday? At six?”
• Return to Sender… Texting, whether you love it or hate it, don’t do it! Even if your date is in the restroom. Even if you think you can sneak it under the table where no one will notice. Your date will not LOL, so put that thing away — G2G!
• Gotta Take This Important Phone Call…Turn off your phone – or at least turn it to vibrate or silent!  It’s rude to take a call in the middle of a nice meal and/or conversation. If you may get a call that you simply HAVE to take (i.e., the babysitter, hospital, etc.), tell your date ahead of time and ONLY take that call after properly excusing yourself.
• Contingency Plans… There’s no telling how a first date will go. Sometimes, smooth sailing. Sometimes, painful from beginning to end. Which is why humans invented emergency “outs.” The problem is, contingency plans are way too obvious and offensive to your date. If you’re concerned about how the date will go, don’t have your “friend” call you with an “emergency” halfway through dinner, stick with something quick like coffee, snacks, or ice cream.
• And Now for the Big Goodbye… If all goes well on a first date, you may end the outing with a little kiss. If you find yourself freaking out about it way before the date is even over, know that a hearty hug can send the same message. If you do go for the lips, make sure your mouth is minty fresh.

I hope these tips help you and your first date go smoothly. Above all else, common courtesy and good manners go a loooooooooong way!  Good Luck!  And enjoy the flutter!

XOXO

PS: Readers – share with us YOUR first date deal-breakers! I bet there are plenty good ones out there!

© 2009 FlutterDate.com

What Color Says About You!

FlutterFashion

BY MADAME FLUTTERFLY

Fashion is all about passion, and nothing says passion like this season’s hottest color:  Red.  We all need to find ways to add red into our wardrobe.  Whether it’s a silky, ruffled blouse or dress, or simply slipping on some haute red heels with a pair of  skinny jeans.  Red not only exudes passion, it says “confidence”.  For those of you who just aren’t comfortable wearing such a bold color all over, it’s completely fabulous to add a touch of red with your shoes or a purse.  Long gone are the days of matchy-matchy shoes and handbag, so choose one or the other.

Whether you’re in a pair of jeans and t-shirt, or all black:  Splash some passionate red on your feet or bag and add some passion to your wardrobe, your life and your flutter!